Today is the day that all of us have been waiting for: the time to say goodbye to 2020. I believe everyone can agree on one thing: 2020 was not at all the year that we were expecting. It was far from all of the goals and expectations that I had, but it was not all bad in many respects. In a word, 2020 was the physical embodiment of ambivalence: the conflicting emotions of negative and positive forces that we had to mitigate, with or without help.
There were trials, tribulations, and moments that I definitely felt like the world was really testing me. There were even some significant changes that happened this year, many of the major life decisions that I really didn’t realize were so significant until I woke up this morning. Yet, there was also a feeling of loss, even without losing something concrete. Despite wanting this year to be so good, it is hard to ignore the feeling of ambivalence that washes over me whenever I reflect on this past calendar year.
I said goodbye to formal 9-5 work and took back control of my time and energy. For whatever reason, 2020 kicked my energy down a notch and there was a small concern for my own well-being during the summer months, coincidentally when things began to become worrisome for a lot of other issues: the protests, the virus, and so much more. Yet, as much as I was fearful about letting go of these corner office dreams that they tell us in school, the trade-off paid off. Sure, I wake up at six in the morning with my fiancé and get things ready, but now my morning routine has shifted. Instead of rushing, forgetting things, and feeling like I never have enough time, there are little joys that I have rediscovered: the beauty of actually enjoying that cup of coffee and catching up on the news and emails. Spending time with our critters and actually giving them the time and attention they need rather than leaving them all day. In a way, 2020 really showed me that there’s more to life than work, and family and health is the most important asset we can cultivate during our lives.
I said hello to new chapters and progressions within my relationships. It’s no secret by now that many of you (especially those that follow me on Instagram) know that I am engaged, and this was one of the major shifts that happened early this year. The timing of all that happened in the early months of the year seems rushed looking back, but it all happened rather seamlessly within the moment. In March, we got engaged. A week after that visit, he was out here moving in with me, and two months later we had our own apartment. I’d be lying if I said that everything was perfect (because no relationship is) but for better or for worse, the pandemic only brought us and our goals closer, making them more concrete. 2020 was a ride, but it was what solidified that my fiancé was really the one.
I said goodbye to some of the ignorant views that I had about the world. We all learned a lot from 2020, in many capacities. There were so many world events that happened, political moves, and health discoveries. It is hard not to ignore some of the traumatic realizations some of us might have had, including how safe are we really when we go out into public. While it might seem silly, part of me knows that our experiences during the pandemic will only shape our current and future habits, forcing us to be more vigilant about hygiene, health, and finally understanding that being sick is a reason enough to take the time to properly health. If we don’t have our health, we don’t have much, and this year showed that to a lot of people, including myself and those closest to me.
I said hello to new goals, focal points, and concerns of mine. For the longest time, my goals were always the same: travel, write, and never have to worry about too much during my adventures. For a while, that lasted. Taiwan was my great adventure, but priorities change. People grow up, their views alter, and they begin to think about different areas of their lives. In many ways, 2020 was the year that I became a “proper adult” if you could even call it that. It’s true what people say though: some of your goals do change when you find the right person because, for the first time, you can actually see yourself in the role that you are being offered in the next chapter of your life.
Above all, I believe the most important lesson of the year comes from the illusion of control. In a chaotic year as fun and terrifying as 2020 was for some of us, it can be hard to understand the role that we play and exactly what moves we can make. No one person can control everything, but there is a false idea going around that people think they cannot control their lives. But control comes in smaller forms: in our habits, our meals, our exercise, where we work, who we associate with, and what we give our attention to. There will always be things we cannot move past, but why not give up the idea that all is out of our reach and accept the fact that we really can control a lot of the little stuff that matters more than the big stuff? That’s my goal for 2021: to begin to control what I can and let go of the items that I can’t. After all, that’s the key to happiness these days! No one needs to be going mad trying to control absolutely everything around them.
Here’s to 2020, the year that reminded us, above all, what was most important: health, happiness, and family. This year, if you came out of it happy, healthy, and hopeful, then I’d say that you, my friend, achieved a successful year, regardless of the goals that were left behind. Cheers to a new year full of new goals or old ones, and a clear sense of what our true values are.
